Hellmouth Portal

I should be more careful the next time I want to dive back and tune in to the news.

After weeks that seemed forever in watching the elections up to the Garci tape explosion, I decided to take a break from overload of information. You see, my thinking capacity is not that high. Actually, thinking makes my head hurt. And you can just imagine how my brain would malfunction if I decided to do critical thinking on politics everyday.

Since, recently, my teenage instincts are acting up again (feeling nothing and floating away to non-existence because I can’t find my passion and purpose in life and all that crap), it was a good thing that we got back our cable and got to watch a lot of idiot box’ specialties other than The News. Ah, the only thing important was the life of Drake and Josh, the Simpsons, X-Men and Buffy reruns, and if MCR would top the charts in this show where girls were made to look like fools and scream every time their puppet master told them to.

It was The Life.

Of course, I came to my senses and started noticing that I can’t even add two and two with the saturated dose of the idiot box’ specialties. I decided to see what the hell my stupid government is up to.

“Walkout on impeachment case.”

That’s a nice way of attracting my attention. Hmmm, another one of those oh so passionate reaction of the opposition; that what I was thinking. I glimpse grown-up men having fun with throwing paper all around while walking in line, single file. Hmmm, looks like a ritual.

I didn’t really know what the hell was going on but I wasn’t surprised. It’s sooooo the government thing to do (whether the opposition or not). I mean, I had flashbacks of the SONA where they were cheering like “barbarians” (that’s according to my high school teacher) and they had plants (was it calamansi?) all over the place to make the large room look like a mini forest. How appropriate the metaphor was, actually. They were already literally making the place a jungle.

People are saying that the opposition was over reacting and I’m saying no. Hey, this is The Normal thing to do. You walkout when you’re losing. And you throw paper around to look extravagant. Come on, they’re the government. They can do anything they want to.

And Matrix Revolutions was a very fine intellectual film.

Riggggghhhhht…

As the congressmen went chaotic (when did they actually stop being like that anyway?), former secretary Dinky the Traitor, oops, I mean.. yeah, whatever. I stand by what I said. She revealed another thingy that will make GMA look more evil. If I understood correctly, she said that she heard GMA talking with her adviser Claudio (?) about the filing of the impeachment complaint on the night where they held hands and sang “If We Hold on Together”. So, Dinky’s saying that this impeachment thingy is just an elaborate moro-moro directed by her honor, GMA.

Tell me something I don’t know. Only, I’m wondering, along with the people of the world, why she’s telling it just now. After months of reflection, she only told it now? Why not on her historical resignation in front of the press? Why the hell after the wonderful performance of the opposition?

Of course, the other side stated all these obvious questions and denied absolutely everything. Warning the public that they should not be manipulated by these people. Who’s manipulating whom? Are they even on different sides or are they just playing their roles told by their honor, the supposed President?

Dinky said Claudio was and still is her friend. Ditto with Claudio. They said they both respected each other. They said this after Dinky claimed that Claudio is in evil ca-hoots with GMA and Claudio claimed that he never got to talk to GMA on that night. The newscaster asked Claudio if he’s saying that Dinky’s lying. Of course, I shouted in my overloading brain, he’s already denying every bit of accusation.

But, nooooo. I was very wrong. Claudio doesn’t think Dinky’s lying. He thinks that on the night of the singing politicians, everyone was just so excited and anxious.

I went brain-dead for about a moment there.

HUH?

It’s either he’s saying that Dinky’s not a liar, only stupid or not a liar but just crazy and hallucinating. Maybe both.

These, once again, ladies and germs, are the wonderful politicians of my country. These are the people who are supposed to be manipulating me and my neighbors. They even have group names. The Hyatt 10 and Malacanang 5.

What the hell is this? Bioman? Power Rangers? Should I be ready for the Oppositionman and wait for them to assign designated colors for us to easily identify who is who since all of them are already starting to look alike? Oooh.. Francis Escuedero should be Oppositionred.

I decide to tune in to The News because the idiot box’ specialties were making me dumb only to find myself watching the same idiot box’ specialty. Maybe this is all just a big joke and after months of making the public crazy, they will all assign agents in our closets and in an assigned time, will simultaneously jump out and shout “You got punk’d!”

For now, I will just wait for that time to happen. Because after hearing over and over again that the politicians are just doing their job for the country, I know that the joke is on all of us. I would rather feel less manipulated even just for one day and just watch a stupid show with screaming girls in it. It’s basically the same with the stupidity and all; but at least there, I’m entertained.