Hellmouth Portal

Prologue.

Binary thinking.
(No, I don’t know the definition and I don’t fucking care.)

NAPOLEON’S HAT - BRIGHT EYES

The barons of industry put inspiration on Hitler’s tongue
The next century crashed hard with a loud sound like a starting gun
It’s race for acquisition and to make more things that glow
I got a knack for dodging bullets and flying zeros

So I act like I am rich, try and make it my whole look
Cause poor people don’t exist when times are good

Mozart’s foster parents put cigarettes out in his ears
When he got old enough to stutter he said I don’t listen but I-I-I can hear
The eloquence of traffic, yeah the milk ponds sad lament
It’s a requiem of moments I keep living through them
But where’s the monster in the closet? I can’t find the hangman inside his hood

I guess evil don’t exist when times are good

Doctor Oppenheimer winced when he felt the broken piece of his pace-maker
Unbuttoned his shirt on a subway platform clutching his chest while his vision blurred
He saw the bane of his creation, the destroyer of the world

Yeah, truth can leap to solace or a life long bender
It’s like wading through a wasteland where a town you love once stood
You just cry each time you think of when times were good

Napoleon’s tailor dressed him in a giant hat and funny platform shoes

Saying anyone can be a hero you just got to force people to look up to you
So when you’re talking on a hotline to a suicidal soul
Don’t let your voice sound like hot coffee more like a scented pillow

And strive for understanding over being understood
Just don’t let yourself forget when the times get good
When the times get good

1. Needy ba ako? I mean, sa lahat. Gusto ko ba na gusto ako ng ibang tao? Akala ko naiwanan ko na ang attitude na ‘to sa gradeschool pero dumadami lang yata talaga ang bilang sa taong nabubuhay. Gusto ko ng tumanda.

2. Sana malaman ko na kung ano ang politika ng pagsulat ko. Noon, alam ko. Sabi ko, para sa lipunan. Echos echos echos. At nang hindi ako maging successful dito, at nang hindi ko mapilit na mapamahal sa lipunan (ironic in reference to number 1), sa’n na pinupulot ang pagsusulat ko? For art’s sake? E naniniwala naman ako na art is trash for both are relative. But then again, everything is relative. So if I want to write for entertainment’s sake, then isn’t that just relative too? And anakngpagongnasinawsawsasuka, everything is nothing and nothing is everything. I hate this belief. At do’n siguro pumapasok ang self-laceration dahil ‘yan na lang ang natitirang konkretong paniniwala ko.

3. Siguro nagsusulat lang ako para sa sarili ko dahil hindi pa nga ako tumatanda. Or altruism lang ang lahat?

4. Bakit kasi kailangan mong i-generalize ang lahat? Bakit walang boundary sa utak mo? Kung hindi ka kasi tumiwalag sa boxing at categorizing attitude, mayroon kang mapanghahawakan. Nagmamagaling ka na kaya ng tao ang kalat na impormasyon at blurring boundaries pero ikaw nga mismo, hindi makayanan ang pagiging kalat. It fucking destroys you.

5. You believe in self. Or rather, you want to believe. At parang maging buo at mahold in ang pagiging kalat, kailangang may kapitan. Pero hindi ba dangerous din ‘yon?

6. Sabi mo hindi mo na pag-iisipan yan. Sabi mo kapag nag-iisip masyado, sumasakit lang ang ulo mo. Di ba sabi mo gusto mo nang maging masaya? Kung papapiliin ka between kasiyahan at katotohanan, ano ang mas mabigat? Papayag ka bang magpa-brainwash sa sarili mo para makamit lang ang kasiyahan? Sino ba kasing nagsabing masama ang pag-brainwash? Kailan ba nagiging masama ang pag-brainwash? At hindi ba napaka-importante ng kasiyahan para ipagpalit ito sa lahat ng prinsipyo mo? Sabi ni Sheperd, "You don’t fix faith, River. It fixes you." Besides, dapat mo naman sigurong subukan na patagalin ang kasiyahan. You do deserve a break.

7. Define kasiyahan.

8. I wish I have a god. Na hindi ang sarili ko. My god, my inner strength, myself. Because I couldn’t even define it. Therefore, no god. Bakit ba lagi nating hinahanap ang sarili natin? (At bakit sa tingin ng ibang tao diyan na ang mga burgis lang ang gumagawa nito?)

9. Sabi ng Bright Eyes, "But if you swear that there’s no truth, who cares? How come you say it like you’re right?"

10. Kasi daw, "We are nowhere and it’s now."

1. Thank you very much for all those who sent greetings. (Na-realize kong ito dapat ang gawin ko dahil ang hirap mag-reply ng paisa-isa. Hehehehe.)

2.
Neri, salamat sa letter, sa effort, at of course, alam mo naman kung
anong lahat ng dapat ipasalamat ko di ba? (Yaaaak. Lumuluha ka?
Yaaaaaak. Hehe.)

3. Sa mga na-gui-guilty, wala dapat ika-guilty. Salamat sa mga effort ng pagkontak sa’kin. Hehe.

4. Sa mga prinamis ko ng libre, sana maayos ang mga sked natin para matuloy.

5. Sa mga magrereklamong wala akong pramis ng libre, hintay-hintay. Mahina ang kalaban. Haha.

6. At para sa pinakaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-magaling na tao sa buong kalawakaaaaaaaan, maraming salamat. (Yakap.)

A harder touch, a better fuck.

Psssh. Meron kasi ako.